Of top performers have a high EQ
EQ is responsible for 58% of your job performance
People with a high EQ make $29,000 more annually than those with low EQs
Things are going to get a little hippy today. But we wouldn’t be jumping on the woo train unless we knew these things work.
In a world where self-absorption has become the norm, it’s becoming increasingly rare to focus beyond our pursuit for life, liberty and the all-encompassing pursuit of happiness. Yet, psychologists and wellness practitioners argue that taking a break to pursue our every knee-jerk want and need is in our best interest.
The research on emotional intelligence(EQ) has grown in recent decades.
Oxford Dictionary describes emotional intelligence as, “The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.”
Emotional intelligence is our ability to recognize emotions in ourselves and others, to understand their effect, and to use that knowledge to guide our thoughts and behaviors.
The key here being regulation of emotions, not dismissal of emotions. It’s possible to feel an emotion and simultaneously make a conscious decision to act in opposition to that emotion for the betterment of your team, family, friends or group in general.
But why harness such a skill? Because EQ and the ability to consciously regulate our emotions, as well as the emotions of those around us, is a superpower. Not to mention one of the top indicators of economical success and general life happiness.
I come from a very loving and secure family. But looking back, one area we lacked desperately was emotional intelligence. Our family unit never really talked about things. As soon as something felt uncomfortable and felt any sense of push back, the conversation would turn silent and slowly fizzle out and die. It was never pursued too deeply. While we did talk about our feelings, it never got more than skin deep.
For being a family from the 90’s and 00’s, I don’t think we were the exception but more the norm.
Instead, I processed my emotions through my writing. Journals are where I would go to iron out the tangles of my emotions. It’s where I grieved, thought my way through dilemmas, felt the full intensity of my celebrations and expressed my anger without fear of repercussion. While I just simply saw them as a place to vent, I didn’t realize then that I was forming a healthy habit towards strengthening my emotional intelligence.
In the years since, me and my emotions have gone on a wild ride. There were periods where I ignored them completely and other times I let them control my entire existence — neither of which I can admit to being a healthy time in my life.
Honestly, I can’t remember my first experience with EQ. I think it ultimately just came as a result of realizing my emotions are guides to interacting with this world, not dictators. A conclusion I only came to after interacting in my adult years with people of all thoughts, backgrounds, beliefs and identities. We all share common goals but its our emotions that play a big role in how we pursue those goals and who we help or hinder in its pursuit.
For this volume of The Elevated Edition, there are a few points I really want to drive home:
Thanks to technology, it’s possible to quickly purchase just about anything, but EQ isn’t one of these things. It’s a lifelong practice that takes time and hardwork. It’s not a quick win and the obvious immediate rewards aren’t always tangible. It’s not theoretical; it’s something you have to be willing to apply. You will work on it, fail it and improve it for the rest of your life. But in the end the wisdom gained will set you up for success.
WATCH: Daniel Goleman is THE authority on Emotional Intelligence for decades now.
These are my personal favorite resources, all of which I put my stamp approval on. You may notice that there’s more than one writing tool and that’s because writing works. Taking the time to sit and reflect is really the only way to really process through your emotions.